Lost one

If we had fully taken advantage of the opportunities given to us in life, would we still be here right now, at this very position, in this moment in time, would we still be feeling the same way in which we feel now, or would it be different, more fulfilling, satisfying, assuring…would it? If I told you how I felt when you asked me, would you still be standing with me? Would you still feel the same way in which you felt 5years ago, would you still look at me the same way or would things changed? If I had lied to you then would the truth had surfaced today, or would I be so paranoid that I felt the urge to let you know? If I was so fed up in living the life in which I did and decided to run away would you come after me? Or would you let me be, just to long after me? Would you think of our firsts or would you hoping for our lasts, would you want us to last or was that a fantasy in which you once had? After all this time I know it’s strange but I find myself thinking about these moments more than usual, the thought once plots itself in my mind and I can’t help but hopelessly linger in the life in which I  could have had. Do not get me wrong I do not regret saying no, I am faced with all these questions which obviously will never be answered , the only way they could have been answered was if I was brave enough to allow myself to be broken, brave enough to accept that whatever happens shall and whatever doesn’t wasn’t meant to be. As time rapidly moves on and leaves us, I now realize that as much as I may tell myself that I am ready is the more I realized that I have trained myself for such destruction not knowing that I have slowly self destructed myself. If I could explain, enlighten you on how I feel, how I felt would it change the outcome of all the encounters in which we have had with other people? Would you have said the things in which you say and would I have acted the way in which I did towards others? Would a second chance be given to those who have wounded and scared us? Physically, mentally, emotionally….. Would you and I find our way back to each other; if so, would I still be able to feel? Feel all the things and ways you made me feel, without even acknowledging it, you had an effect on me, and so did I on you? Would you still remember the way I made you feel, if we found our way back to each other do you think what we will have would be real? Real enough to erase the past, the past in which we both willingly and foolishly accepted, blinded by the thoughts of greener pastures we turned our backs on a greater opportunity, we allowed ourselves to dream, sugar coated dreams, drenched in a fantasy, we were too good for one another and alone we agreed to stand, let our good conquer the world separately, for when combined it was lethal, so lethal it caused our fatal ending. When we find each other, I know we will find each other, I know my heart won’t beat the same way in which it did yesterday, my breaths will be longer as I inhale every breath of life, a breath drawn longer than I did my last, time will move slower, allowing each and every second wasted in the past to present its way to us, allowing us to re live lost time and as I hold on to every moment, it is imprinted within my memory, in a part only God and I know about, a part untraveled by the world, a part where only the dearest may tread along this path a path where you and I are the only humans it may come to know. My days brightened by your smile my nights awakened by your words, our lives made immortal by our hope, for we were once dead apart and fate allows us to relive, for we were nothing apart and our rebirth most certainly welcomed by the world. When we meet again, I know we shall, promise me we won’t waste time by reliving our regrets, we won’t waste time trying to move on, we have found our way back together and all that we have lost in the past we have finally won. I know when I do come to that realization I will truly be able to express myself, use the words disabled in my vocabulary, use the words in which I actually feel, perhaps then you would truly know how it is that I actually feel. Forget the times in which I became numb, suppressed my soul and defused my thoughts, allowing them to run away with me, I had hope they would have taken me far, but somehow they lead me to you, a place in which they must have believed was home for them. An outcome I had not hoped for yet at the same time could not be happier that it managed to present itself at me, I do believe in a higher power, a power which has had the ability to detect a connection so strong, banded in words unspoken, actions which awakened how we truly feel