Lost one
If we had fully taken advantage of the
opportunities given to us in life, would we still be here right now, at this
very position, in this moment in time, would we still be feeling the same way
in which we feel now, or would it be different, more fulfilling, satisfying,
assuring…would it? If I told you how I felt when you asked me, would you still
be standing with me? Would you still feel the same way in which you felt 5years
ago, would you still look at me the same way or would things changed? If I had
lied to you then would the truth had surfaced today, or would I be so paranoid
that I felt the urge to let you know? If I was so fed up in living the life in
which I did and decided to run away would you come after me? Or would you let
me be, just to long after me? Would you think of our firsts or would you hoping
for our lasts, would you want us to last or was that a fantasy in which you
once had? After all this time I know it’s strange but I find myself thinking
about these moments more than usual, the thought once plots itself in my mind
and I can’t help but hopelessly linger in the life in which I could have had. Do not get me wrong I do not
regret saying no, I am faced with all these questions which obviously will
never be answered , the only way they could have been answered was if I was
brave enough to allow myself to be broken, brave enough to accept that whatever
happens shall and whatever doesn’t wasn’t meant to be. As time rapidly moves on
and leaves us, I now realize that as much as I may tell myself that I am ready
is the more I realized that I have trained myself for such destruction not
knowing that I have slowly self destructed myself. If I could explain,
enlighten you on how I feel, how I felt would it change the outcome of all the
encounters in which we have had with other people? Would you have said the
things in which you say and would I have acted the way in which I did towards
others? Would a second chance be given to those who have wounded and scared us?
Physically, mentally, emotionally….. Would you and I find our way back to each
other; if so, would I still be able to feel? Feel all the things and ways you
made me feel, without even acknowledging it, you had an effect on me, and so
did I on you? Would you still remember the way I made you feel, if we found our
way back to each other do you think what we will have would be real? Real
enough to erase the past, the past in which we both willingly and foolishly
accepted, blinded by the thoughts of greener pastures we turned our backs on a
greater opportunity, we allowed ourselves to dream, sugar coated dreams,
drenched in a fantasy, we were too good for one another and alone we agreed to
stand, let our good conquer the world separately, for when combined it was
lethal, so lethal it caused our fatal ending. When we find each other, I know
we will find each other, I know my heart won’t beat the same way in which it
did yesterday, my breaths will be longer as I inhale every breath of life, a
breath drawn longer than I did my last, time will move slower, allowing each
and every second wasted in the past to present its way to us, allowing us to re
live lost time and as I hold on to every moment, it is imprinted within my
memory, in a part only God and I know about, a part untraveled by the world, a
part where only the dearest may tread along this path a path where you and I
are the only humans it may come to know. My days brightened by your smile my
nights awakened by your words, our lives made immortal by our hope, for we were
once dead apart and fate allows us to relive, for we were nothing apart and our
rebirth most certainly welcomed by the world. When we meet again, I know we
shall, promise me we won’t waste time by reliving our regrets, we won’t waste
time trying to move on, we have found our way back together and all that we
have lost in the past we have finally won. I know when I do come to that
realization I will truly be able to express myself, use the words disabled in
my vocabulary, use the words in which I actually feel, perhaps then you would
truly know how it is that I actually feel. Forget the times in which I became
numb, suppressed my soul and defused my thoughts, allowing them to run away
with me, I had hope they would have taken me far, but somehow they lead me to
you, a place in which they must have believed was home for them. An outcome I
had not hoped for yet at the same time could not be happier that it managed to
present itself at me, I do believe in a higher power, a power which has had the
ability to detect a connection so strong, banded in words unspoken, actions
which awakened how we truly feel